When Does This Become Rewarding????

I need to let these hateful emotions out. It's going to be ugly ... but bear with me.

Directly below is the enemy. I all but curse at this stupid manual machine. It lies about how many calories I have burned in the whopping 15 minutes it has taken me to walk/run/stand an entire 1/2 mile (yes, you read that correctly). It tells me that while I feel like death, I have only burned 57 calories in 15 minutes. Do you realize that that is the amount of calories in a bite sized Snickers bar. This hardly seems worth it.

Below is the "ticker" that I have been wearing for one week and two days clocking my each and every step. According to it, I've walked 16.307 miles and have burned 774.9 calories. That is just over HALF of the calories that the stupid Slim Fast website told me I can eat per day.

Here's a positive! I had to get new tennis shoes for this little adventure I am on. I LOOOOVE them. They are the most comfortable shoes I have had for a long time. I've never bought a pair of tennis shoes for actual function, so I was totally overwhelmed in the shoe isle. I am glad I found these babies though. And such a cute color too!
I have also been drinking about 6 bottles of water a day. I hate water. I really do. Although, I have found that a bottle of it does go down pretty easily at dinner. I do not like restaurant water AT ALL. I have been allowing my self one pop a day. I cannot function without it.

I have also been eating a ton of yogurt, fruit (not the fruit pictured, fresh fruit. That is Logan's for his lunches) and animal crackers. I only like two flavors of yogurt though, so it gets old fast.

I am certainly really wanting to dive into these. They are my all time f-a-v-o-r-i-t-e! I did make them for breakfast on Sunday and decided I could partake. I did not feel guilty about it one bit ... but now I just want to taste them again! Sunday could not get here quick enough!

And finally ... here is what I look like after my 15 minute walk from ... well, you know. Lovely, I know. Eye make up running down the face with the sweat, dark eye circles, red cheeks. I am one hot lady. Oh, and I spared you a pic of it, but I bought the best sports bra ever the same night I bought my tennis shoes. I love it! I had to laugh though because Marcus has called it my "training bra" on more than one occasion. That is the BIGGEST training bra I have ever seen! Hee hee!
So, with all of this complaining ... I haven't stepped on a scale since starting to use the treadmill. I do not know if I am making even the slightest bit of headway on this weight loss adventure. I do know that I am more tired than normal and am hoping that changes soon. I know I can do this ... I just may need to rant more on here. I feel so much better. Now, I must go shower. You may have been able to smell me through your computer screen! Sorry.

Have a great evening,

Carrie

Need Some Whine?

Just going to warn you up front ... this is kind of a whiny blog. I've never really used this blog as a journal, but this entry may become just that. I'm just having one of those days. I think I need to have it today so tomorrow I can pick up and do what I need to do to fix it. So, if you're willing to listen (read) whining ... continue on.

I signed up for Whitley Weighs In ... it's sponsored by the local paper and teams are formed for a weight loss "match." I am on team "Motivated Rotarians" with three fellow Rotarians. I signed up for this contest because I have known for awhile now that it's time to lose some weight. I thought nothing of having to weigh in once a month for six months ... until today.

I had to report to the local hospital for the dreaded weigh in. I had a number in my head and was pretty sure I was going to weigh in near that number ... give or take 10 pounds (more than likely give). Boy was I off. I was 25 pounds off ... and not to the good. I joked about it to the thin and tone gals from the YMCA that recorded the weight (and yes, they have children and are still thin and tone). I even laughed with the hospital greeter as I was ready to leave. Then I found myself in the lonely stairwell (there's a good thing ... I was taking the stairs ... all 1/2 flight of them) and I lost it. I just started bawling! How could I have let myself go like this? I knew I had packed on a few pounds, but I didn't realize it was nearly 45 extra pounds! And 45 pounds doesn't get me to the "ideal" weight for someone my height!

I seriously don't know why I am so surprised. I've really noticed it in my belly region and thighs! My goodness! I cringe if Marcus walks into the bathroom while I am taking a bath or into our room while I am changing and sees those body parts. I feel so ashamed. I did work out for about a week a couple of months ago ... go ahead and laugh, I am. I can't say I enjoyed it, but I did do it for 7 days straight. Why did I stop you ask, because then Marcus schedule made it so he was around the entire day and I couldn't do it in front of him. He is my husband for goodness sake! I should be able to do it in front of him - right? Well, I can't. First off, he as skinny as a broom handle. And secondly, I am too embarrassed for him to see me winded after 10 jumping jacks. I didn't want him to laugh because I couldn't keep up with the trainer even on the beginner level. And please know that is just all in my head. Yes, he might laugh WITH me - not at me. I am thankful that he loves me at 130 pounds (there was a time) or ... XXX pounds. He's never said anything hurtful about this weight gain, and for that I love him even more.

I have a lot of friends around me that are into running and we joke about me fainting about even thinking about running. It is a funny thought, but the truth is, I've never been a fan of running --- even when I would hit a home run in softball the thought of not having a small break between the bases annoyed me! So - I guess I haven't found the workout plan that will work for me, but running can be crossed off. Oh darn.

I used to love doing Tae-Bo. I even taught a class on it years ago. Wonder where those VHS tapes are now!

Anyway, I just signed up for the free meals plans via Slim Fast and found out that my BMI marker classifies me as obese. Hello reality. Hello tears. I've got to do this.

So, if you've made it through this long whiny post - will you pray for me? I've lost weight before, but I've never weighed this much. I have a long road ahead of me and can use all of the support I can get.

OK ... enough whining! I hope to not whine about this anymore after tonight. If I do, it's my own fault because of the lack of self-control.

Hopefully the next time I blog about weight it will be to let you know I've lost X amount of pounds and am feeling great!!!!

~Carrie~