Need Some Whine?

Just going to warn you up front ... this is kind of a whiny blog. I've never really used this blog as a journal, but this entry may become just that. I'm just having one of those days. I think I need to have it today so tomorrow I can pick up and do what I need to do to fix it. So, if you're willing to listen (read) whining ... continue on.

I signed up for Whitley Weighs In ... it's sponsored by the local paper and teams are formed for a weight loss "match." I am on team "Motivated Rotarians" with three fellow Rotarians. I signed up for this contest because I have known for awhile now that it's time to lose some weight. I thought nothing of having to weigh in once a month for six months ... until today.

I had to report to the local hospital for the dreaded weigh in. I had a number in my head and was pretty sure I was going to weigh in near that number ... give or take 10 pounds (more than likely give). Boy was I off. I was 25 pounds off ... and not to the good. I joked about it to the thin and tone gals from the YMCA that recorded the weight (and yes, they have children and are still thin and tone). I even laughed with the hospital greeter as I was ready to leave. Then I found myself in the lonely stairwell (there's a good thing ... I was taking the stairs ... all 1/2 flight of them) and I lost it. I just started bawling! How could I have let myself go like this? I knew I had packed on a few pounds, but I didn't realize it was nearly 45 extra pounds! And 45 pounds doesn't get me to the "ideal" weight for someone my height!

I seriously don't know why I am so surprised. I've really noticed it in my belly region and thighs! My goodness! I cringe if Marcus walks into the bathroom while I am taking a bath or into our room while I am changing and sees those body parts. I feel so ashamed. I did work out for about a week a couple of months ago ... go ahead and laugh, I am. I can't say I enjoyed it, but I did do it for 7 days straight. Why did I stop you ask, because then Marcus schedule made it so he was around the entire day and I couldn't do it in front of him. He is my husband for goodness sake! I should be able to do it in front of him - right? Well, I can't. First off, he as skinny as a broom handle. And secondly, I am too embarrassed for him to see me winded after 10 jumping jacks. I didn't want him to laugh because I couldn't keep up with the trainer even on the beginner level. And please know that is just all in my head. Yes, he might laugh WITH me - not at me. I am thankful that he loves me at 130 pounds (there was a time) or ... XXX pounds. He's never said anything hurtful about this weight gain, and for that I love him even more.

I have a lot of friends around me that are into running and we joke about me fainting about even thinking about running. It is a funny thought, but the truth is, I've never been a fan of running --- even when I would hit a home run in softball the thought of not having a small break between the bases annoyed me! So - I guess I haven't found the workout plan that will work for me, but running can be crossed off. Oh darn.

I used to love doing Tae-Bo. I even taught a class on it years ago. Wonder where those VHS tapes are now!

Anyway, I just signed up for the free meals plans via Slim Fast and found out that my BMI marker classifies me as obese. Hello reality. Hello tears. I've got to do this.

So, if you've made it through this long whiny post - will you pray for me? I've lost weight before, but I've never weighed this much. I have a long road ahead of me and can use all of the support I can get.

OK ... enough whining! I hope to not whine about this anymore after tonight. If I do, it's my own fault because of the lack of self-control.

Hopefully the next time I blog about weight it will be to let you know I've lost X amount of pounds and am feeling great!!!!

~Carrie~